I was a goth at school. Wearing primarily black, listening to sad sad songs, an elevated feeling of romantic doom.
Goths’ motto is “Memento mori“. Remember death. It is inevitable. We are all going to end up there.
This motto may seem excessively gloomy to some, like “ah those weird-ass goth teens hanging round cemeteries”, but the older I get the more I realise that it actually transcends everything. It’s more than a goths’ motto.
You may or may not believe in God, in Jesus, in Krishna, in reincarnation. However, you cannot not believe in death because it is as real as life.
So, if we are all going to die, why should we be afraid?
Why should we live the life we don’t enjoy?
Why should we be enslaved by our past hurt and limiting beliefs?
And while I appreciate and totally understand that some traumas can never be fully healed,
Yet I think the only meaning in life is to try and break free.
From our fake identities, from everything unnecessary and harmful we’ve accumulated over our life (or lives for those of you who do believe in reincarnation), from everything we think is good or right but deep down knowing it’s not for us, it’s not really us.
This is including: limiting beliefs, ego-driven thoughts and fears, societal pressures, wants and needs that are not really ours, comparisons, pain, hurt, superstitions, stereotypes, paranoias, addictions, judgements, any mental constructs and emotional baggage that don’t serve us.
If there is even a small chance for us to be feeling free during this life rather than never (or after, for those of you who do believe in reincarnation), why not take it. Free to be yourself, your unique awesome self.
She had one of those days, working from home, 9-5… Her to-do list keeps on growing, she can’t keep up. Misunderstanding with a manager, upcoming monthly report, fear of failure during highly uncertain times. These times, when it seems that losing your job equals a complete and total disaster.
Uncertainty is not only the main theme of the external world – it also applies to her personal life. Sometimes she wonders what it feels like to have a stable job, a husband, a mortgage, a kid or two, and a dog. A normal happy life. The kind of life, where you have friends over for a barbecue whenever it’s warm and sunny in London.
Sometimes it’s difficult to come to terms with the fact that her life differs from what seems to be the “norm”. It can be even more difficult to accept that the reason she is not living a normal life is because she is not normal. “Give me an example”, she hears you say. You’re right, perhaps it’s all in her head. Perhaps she is normal.
Perhaps it’s normal to be an extreme overthinker, massive empath and pathological perfectionist. Even if it is normal, she doesn’t want that kind of life. Where there is no room for effortless flow and simple miracles because there is too much stress due to unsuccessful attempts to control the uncontrollable, can you actually call it “life”?
Episode 2.
Self-love has become trendy. Self-love is now an Instagram-worthy caption. “A day of self-care”… You can find it on every influencer’s Insta page. It usually comes with a picture of woman’s legs soaking in a bubble bath covered with rose petals and surrounded by a bunch of candles.
“Ok, if that’s what self-love is about…” – her thoughts while filling a bath with bubbly water. When she got all comfy in the bath, the round shower head started dripping. Drops of cold water falling down on her legs. “Just like my life”, she thought to herself. “While everything else seems fine like this bath full of pleasantly warm water, I still can’t help but concentrate on the few annoying cold drops”.
Her head was filled with worries about her conversation with the manager earlier that day. “I need to come up with a decent explanation to solve this disappointing misunderstanding”. Quite frankly, she was beating herself up for the words that slipped out of her mouth. She didn’t realise how they must’ve sounded.
It was becoming too much to bear. “Let go”, she asked herself. Trying to feel the process of letting go with every cell of her body and spirit. It seemed to work, although work-related concerns were still lingering in the air.
She took a bath sponge and began massaging her legs. Suddenly, something strange happened. She felt an immense wave of love washing over her entire being. Love towards herself. Overcome with an urge to hug her knee, as weird and funny as that sounds, she felt as if her heart exploded and tears poured down her leg.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Looking at her body, she saw it. She really saw it. Her body housing a spirit. Her body is not hers. It’s her spirit’s. The spirit that has been travelling with her through centuries of various lives, good and bad, happy and sad. It’s always been there for her. It never left her. Her spirit, her only true friend and companion.
“Why am I putting you through this?! Why am I crushing you when you’re all that I have…”
“I love you so much, I love you more than anyone in life… I’m sorry for everything, please forgive me…”
Wrapping her arms around her shoulders, as if they are not hers but her best, kindest, purest and most loving friend’s shoulders. And it’s true, they are not hers. First and foremost, they belong to her spirit. Without it, nothing else would’ve mattered.
After all, these influencers are not wrong: taking a bubbly bath may lead to the most profound and real experience of loving oneself.
Food for thought
“Oh that’s all wonderful and stuff but I don’t have a bath / I don’t like taking baths / my bubbles don’t foam…”, we hear you say.
Great news, you don’t need a bath to experience this kind of love. Sit down in silence with yourself and observe your body. Try to imagine all the work that your body and your spirit are doing right now to keep you alive. Try to remember the myriads of lives you shared with your spirit. Try to feel the love it provides you with, unconditionally and endlessly.
If you haven’t experienced it yet, we wish you the most unforgettable and heart-opening encounter with your own true self.
Self-Love academy 