Courtesy of: Chris Buckwald https://unsplash.com/@scorpkris

If we received a penny every time we hear “stop being so negative!” or “start thinking positive!”, each and every one of us could use it as a decent source of passive income.

Every time I see a podcast from a lifehacker / mindset shifter / motivational speaker titled “change your thoughts, change your life”, I cringe just a little bit.

If it was really that easy to just start thinking different thoughts, we’d all be happy and p o s i t i v e (don’t you just negatively hate this word lol).

There is something better I’d like to offer you than wasting your time with all that “positive thinking” nonsense.

And it’s this:

The reason for negative thinking

“I honestly can’t stand my job, why does it have to be such a soul-crushing experience”

“Life is so uncertain, I can’t look into the future without fear”

“I’m so tired and stressed, my wife/husband annoys me and I just want to run away into the woods and live on my own for the rest of my days on this God forsaken planet”

Just a few examples of the kind of thoughts that might trouble us on the daily.

Like that Taylor Swift song, they keep playing over and over again.

So familiar that we hardly ever notice them but they low-key drive us mad like that Taylor Swift song.

What do we do in response?

We try to escape their company.

Say, you are on your own.

What do you do? Do you sit with your troubling, frustrating, disturbing inner chatter?

Hell no. You are on your phone / watching Netflix / talking to friends / pretending to read a book / listening to music – thank you, technology, for making it so easy for us to escape ourselves.

One swipe – and you are far away from “What am I doing with my life” or “I hate the place I live in”, or “Why do I feel so lonely”.

So easy to escape yet so hard to say goodbye.

And then you come across this “Your thoughts determine your reality” video on YouTube.

Damn you, negative thinking. How can I ever be a successful success with this kind of thoughts?!

One thing they never really teach you is this:

Negative thoughts are positive thoughts in distress.

Treat the cause, not the symptom

What do I mean by “positive thoughts in distress”?

I mean that your thoughts can get stressed out just like you.

They have a shadow side.

Thoughts are not autonomous

Thoughts are a product. And if we were all aware of this and knew what to do with this information, we’d be so much healthier.

Thoughts are symptoms. They don’t just appear out of thin air. There is an underlying issue in your subconscious, which communicates with you in the form of thoughts.

Feelings are not thoughts. You can’t think feelings. Feelings communicate with you through thoughts.

Feelings are the cause of your thoughts: good and bad.

You feel things before you think them.

So what?

“So what” is that negative thoughts aren’t the bad guys.

Negative feelings aren’t the bad guys.

Both are there for you, they are not against you.

It’s your body’s way to let you know that something is bothering you.

Only dummies can have 100% positive thoughts. Completely entirely unaware of themselves.

How do I let go of negative thoughts?

The best thing I’ve ever done for myself was sitting down on my couch in complete silence and just listening.

Tuning in. Whatever comes up will be your guide into your very own scary world of negativity.

You can talk to yourself in the same way you talk to others, the only difference being is the requirement to actually listen, not pretend that you are while anxiously waiting to respond or add your 5 cents of ingenuity. Otherwise you won’t hear yourself speak.

The thread of your self-discovery may go like this:

“I am annoyed with Laura at work =>

When I think of her, my stomach cramps and heart beats faster =>

What exactly makes me feel annoyed with her? =>

It feels as if she tries to get under my skin with her comments, she crosses my boundaries =>

What boundaries does she cross? =>

She makes me feel like I am not a trustworthy employee =>

Why is it important for me to be a trustworthy employee? =>

Because many times in the past people doubted my abilities =>

Why did people doubt my abilities? =>

Because I doubted them myself =>

Do I still doubt I’m doing a good job? =>

Yes, and it hurts that I try to do my best but people don’t notice =>

Why is it important that people notice me doing a good job? =>

Because I want them to know how good I am. Otherwise I don’t feel worthy enough as a person. =>

Who was the first person to make you feel that way? =>

My grandma. She used to say that I destroyed everything I touched because I often broke my expensive toys =>

You are worthy as it is, you don’t need to prove anyone anything. You are worthy just because you are who you are. This is just a given. Your grandma loves you and she always did. Her vision doesn’t define you.”

If you feel your heart race, your eyes get wet, you are on the right track. Let it out. Cry those tears.

Your negative thoughts are leaving you at this point.

Truthfully, I’ve just done this exercise with you. I do have a “Laura” at work who I feel crosses my boundaries.

My grandma really did tell me I was destructive when I was only 4-5 years old.

I am crying right now 🙂

Negativity heals

If you stop labelling it as negative and start labelling it as “my body wants to talk to me”.

Don’t ignore yourself.

You are your best friends and You needs You.

Sometimes it can be hard to do it all by yourself.

That’s why you might need a coach to help you with your struggles, to guide you through your darkness into your light.

You might need a hypnotherapist or a meditation – it’s totally up to you.

While I’m not qualified yet, I am learning to become a Self-Love coach.

Feel free to get in touch on lucy@selfloveacademy.co.uk to book a personal session with me.

No matter how you choose to heal, I really wish you healing.

Yours sincerely,

Self-Love Academy