I’m not big on celebrity news but I am big on forming my own opinion when the majority seem to support just one side of a widely discussed narrative. It is a great exercise actually, when everyone says: “This is black and this is white“, if you always look for 50 shades of grey, you might discover a hundred. One hundred shades of grey is much more likely to develop one as a person, as a spiritual being, one’s intellect than two very distinct colours like white and black.

If you are like me and don’t just go with the recycled opinion that has already been formed for you by the majority and if you’re curious about the Depp-Heard affair, you’re in the right place – read on!

I won’t go into all of the details you’re already aware of. In short: one of the world’s most popular actors Johnny Depp, 52, married a lesser-known actress Amber Heard, 29, after they met on set of “The Rum Diary”. When the two first met the actor was in a relationship with a mother of his children Vanessa Paradis. About a year later, Heard filed for a divorce accusing Depp of physical, emotional and subsequently even sexual abuse. Depp refused to be called a “wife beater” and sued NGN for labelling him as such. Somehow he lost his claim in the UK. Afterwards, Heard wrote an op-ed in the Washington Post about her terrible experiences as a victim of domestic violence without mentioning Depp’s name but obviously implying he was the abuser who inspired her fight for women’s rights. Her ex-husband got sick of it and sued her for defamation. Yesterday the jury’s verdict was announced: Johnny Depp was in fact illegally defamed.

My thoughts:

1. Men can be victims of domestic violence, emotional, psychological and verbal abuse

Hurray! The jury’s verdict confirms that men are also human beings. Despite their alleged physical superiority and the society’s general belief that men are more violent and domineering, I don’t think there had ever been a similar case as broadcasted as this one. While I personally have no idea what actually happened between the two people I never met and don’t know in real life, I believe we should at least consider a possibility of men being abused in relationships if not as much than definitely not as rarely as we think.

Especially when it comes to verbal, emotional and psychological abuse. Yes, men are often physically stronger. However, women can be mentally stronger and psychologically – more manipulative. I don’t have the exact stats for you hence I’m not claiming that women are master manipulators and men beat them up for that. It is a possibility though that women can also be abusive towards men.

It’s important that we view ourselves not only as potential victims but also as potential abusers. This is the only way to become a better partner.

Self-Love Academy

Confession time! I think my behaviour could once be regarded as abusive: emotionally and psychologically. It’s not the nicest thing to admit but I was immature and full of fears, daddy issues and God-knows-what-else. I tried to control my partner by reading his private communications, expressing my distrust verbally and through being manipulative, invading his personal life and space. I didn’t even realise I was abusive. I was so convinced I was the victim (somehow!). His response was also questionable (he was never physically abusive!) but what can you do when you’re in a relationship with an unstable person! Which leads me nicely to the next points…

2. If you’re in a relationship with a toxic person, chances are, you also have unaddressed issues

Did someone force Johnny Depp to marry an abusive woman? Ok, suppose he didn’t know whom he was marrying. Did someone then force him to stay with her once he found out? He was 52 when he married her. Fifty-freaking-two. One could argue he was and is a grown-a$$ man who should know what he can and cannot tolerate. I believe he does take full responsibility for his own decisions though. He was not the one who dragged his ex-beloved through dirt in the first place. He just wanted to clear his name – according to himself, and rightly so.

However, the point is: I am personally not a fan of overusing the word “victim”. First of all, it’s an insult to the real victims. Victims can’t do anything about the unfortunate circumstances they find themselves in. While I don’t know anything about the real relationship between the celebrities in question, I don’t think Amber Heard ever clarified why she couldn’t just stand up and leave? Why did she continue the relationship if it was so detrimental to her health?

It’s not an attack though. This question: Why don’t you leave? Is the real f*cking question. It can change lives. Sometimes victims become victims because they had already been victims. Sorry, to put it simply: if one suffered unjust treatment in the past and didn’t address the emotional / psychological wounds that followed, it’s possible that the person builds an internal prison, which then affects their ability to stand up for themselves or exit unfavourable situations. I’m not a psychologist but I went through this myself. Low self-esteem led me to believe the things I was called were in fact true. That I indeed was inadequate and far from normal.

Long story short: if you feel like a victim, ask yourself: what stops me from being a victim? And I don’t mean the 3D reasons like finances, I mean is there anything inside you: pain, guilt or shame? Is this something you can address either yourself or with the support from an expert?

To be in a healthy relationship, one must first seek to build a healthy emotional, spiritual and mental relationship with themselves.

Self-Love Academy

3. Cancelling people is immature at best and kinda evil tbh

Who invented cancel culture?! One of the worst creations of our social media addicted / 5 seconds attention span / keyboard warriors era. Neither I, nor anyone is entitled to cancelling another human being for something we were not even involved in. Commenters are not justice. I am not justice. No matter what is going on in the pop culture and no matter how the media is portraying it, people seem to forget there is another PERSON receiving all of that hatred and abuse. We often don’t have all of the information to attack anyone on a personal level.

I think we can definitely support one person or the other based on our own judgements and beliefs in a manner that is respectful towards both sides. Trying to direct hatred towards someone you don’t know and never met is wrong if you ask me. I’m not a saint either yet I still believe it’s wrong. It’s worth asking ourselves: what is making me do this? Why do I feel that strongly about someone / something who / that has nothing to do with me personally? Am I projecting my pain…

No one can display perfect behaviour. Doesn’t mean anyone should be bullied. It was a personal relationship between two real people, who were unfortunate enough to see it go public. Bullying doesn’t help anyway. It only makes things worse. There was a famous person who was cyber-bullied to the point of suicide. And I’m sure there are more cases like her. Especially if both people experience mental health problems and/or disorders as was suggested during the trial…

In a world where you can be anything, be kind. (c)

4. It must be kinda lonely always needing to be right

Again, didn’t hold a candle, don’t know what happened exactly. However, if after a six-week trial there was not enough evidence to suggest Amber Heard was abused by her husband but there was some evidence to suggest she was abusive, it might be a good idea for the actress to self-reflect at least a little bit. To maybe reassess the way she portrays herself and their relationship, take some responsibility for the things she could’ve also done wrong as was apparently proven during the process.

It can be kinda lonely for people who must always be right, no matter what. I’m not sure if it applies to Heard but it could be a good takeaway for the public from the celebrity legal battle. If the whole world thinks you’re wrong, maybe it’s worth at least considering at least for a brief moment that maybe there is some truth to it (even if it turns out there isn’t, then addressing why doesn’t the world believe me?).

I used to think that the whole world was against me. I couldn’t make friends because everyone I met was kinda weird in one way or another. Up until the point when I realised that if there is always a problem with someone else, then maybe it’s actually me who is wrong? Yes, I was no longer the most perfect, the most righteous person but at least I was no longer lonely.

Instead of looking for what’s wrong with the world I began looking at myself. It was much more rewarding and empowering.

Self-Love Academy

In conclusion

I love it how we can learn from such weird things like celebrity news, dating shows and video games. How we can extract learnings to feed our own personal development from literally everything. Self-reflection is much more nourishing if you ask me than external judgement or simple entertainment.

It’s not about finding what’s wrong with me, it’s a fun and beneficial process of exploring yourself, understanding the world through self-reflection and realising that if I’m not so black and white, then maybe neither is the world?

I don’t feel guilty for being somewhat abusive in the past. It wasn’t really my fault as I was not aware of the harm I was causing, it was not intentional or malicious (plus I actually paid for my actions haha). Maybe neither is Amber Heard. Yes, she needs to own up to whatever she’s done. However, more than that, I think most would agree with me, everyone needs therapy. Good old therapy 🙂 That empowers one to be better instead of accepting the status quo of “I’ll just stay here in my misery”.

What are your takeaways from all this?

With love,

Self-Love Academy