Just realised that I often underestimate other people’s ability and responsibility to communicate to me what they like and dislike, what they agree and disagree with and their freewill to accept or reject.

As an overthinker who’s working towards being a balanced thinker 😆 I caught myself worrying about whether what I sent in a message to an old friend was appropriate.

Mind you, it wasn’t anything inappropriate lol. It was just a simple question but I forget that people can say Yes or No, or negotiate if they need to.

I often try to almost predict what sort of question would be the easiest for them to answer.

I guess it’s similar to when you try to chew the food for someone else 😄 instead of offering them to do it themselves.

I do it a lot. As in, chewing the food for others sort of thing. Stressing out about whether a person will be able to understand me 100%, or if someone I love is capable of looking after themselves. E.g. my parents know they can ask me for help and I remind them every time yet I still worry if I should help them without them asking. And of course sometimes it’s a lovely gesture but not at the expense of me constantly worrying.

And that’s silly. Nobody wants their food to be prechewed for them, so why should I try and make people so comfortable that they don’t have any space to challenge what I say or do, or disagree, or just simply have that practice to grow personally?

Could it be something to do with conflict avoidance? Yet conflicts are healthy. Every conflict is an opportunity to practice open communication and to reach genuine understanding.

No real worthy relationship is devoid of healthy conflict. One in which both parties communicate their preferences all the while giving each other space to have different preferences, and respect them. It’s my ability and my responsibility as a grown up to openly say what I want and don’t want, and explain why.

And if someone doesn’t do that, it’s not my responsibility to change their approach to conflict since I give them space to disagree.

Who can relate?

Yours sincerely,
Self-Love Academy